The Buddha (p.S.320z7)

Mindfulness on fleek! Meditate your way to true ascendance. Reincarnation not guaranteed, but when your bones rot softly in the tender earth, you will know you’ve done good in this world. 

The JoA (p.S.100a1):

With a level of self-efficacy that borders on delusion, you will change the world forever with our Joan of Arc package. 

The Hemmingway (p.A.175tr4)

Enjoy S-Tier intelligence and grit to get you through the toughest challenges. Don’t be fooled by the package’s name—Hemmingway recipients have gone on to do far more than writing. An unstoppable force, immovable object, and thoughtful artist all in one. Great for entrepreneurs and writers. Achievement is high, satisfaction is low. You will always want more. Side effects may include: Depression, poor coping mechanisms, tendency toward addiction, suicidal ideation, big-game hunting.

The Oppenheimer (p.A.212ki4m)

“BOOM goes the dynamite” is what your co-workers will say when you revolutionize your chosen field with an idea that pushes the bounds of man and matter. Sometimes progress isn’t popular, but your determination and ingenuity will silence all critics. With sky high numbers in both creativity and intelligence, this package will have your friends and family wondering what hath God wrought!

The Meteorologist (p.B.4367c22)

No need for a love of clouds, The Meteorologist will turn you into a Superforcaster. Humble in opinion, yet hungry for knowledge, you’ll be able to predict world events better than 98% of the world’s population. Great for investment bankers, oddsmakers, clairvoyants, and false prophets, The Meteorologist will help you read the tea leaves.

The Milk Maid (p.B.2367mu8) / The Milk Man (p.B.2367mu7)

Have you ever yearned for a simpler time? A simpler mind? Where the rooster wakes you each morn and you go to bed fulfilled with a hard day’s work. Then the Milk Maid might be the package for you. With low curiosity and need for cognition, you’ll be able to tell that pesky need-for-greatness to mooooove over, and be content with what you’ve got. 

The Gump (p.sim78pl)

The Milk Man with a twist (severely low IQ)! Who ever said you need intelligence to be great? Our highest package in agreeableness, and lowest in neuroticism, you’ll have no hanging doubts telling you you can’t do something.

Record Store Clerk (p.sim897)

Exactly what it sounds like, more or less.